Keeping your sanity while looking for love

online-dating

Since I tend to write about something I’m dealing with or something that is touching my life I’m going to make today’s post about dating. I am currently actively on-line dating since my hope of meeting the right person in an everyday situation hasn’t happened this past year. On-line dating is probably the most daunting of any type of dating since there is No One to endorse these strangers to you, except their own written words. Dating can be quite draining, have a negative effect if the interaction wasn’t positive and make you just want to give up and go on being single and happy. So this is how I’m going to go about dealing with my urge for having someone in my life.

Women tend to want to feel safe and secure before meeting the individual and may want to talk via messaging or text a little too much before meeting. I used to do this myself. I finally realized that No amount of messaging could make up for actually meeting the person. You can only make a good judgement about the person in person. Words really mean nothing, its body language and actions that are the tell.

Another important aspect of dating, and in life, is listening to your intuition. That ‘intuition’ is the voice of… whatever higher intelligence you believe in: God, angels, the Universe, your soul. Proof that our intuition Should be listened to: think of the times you ignored that voice and regretted. Pretty well Every single time (for me anyway)! I’m just a mere mortal, intuition is bigger than me. It knows better than me (you could even call it your subconscious mind picking up all the red flags your conscious mind is missing).

Get in the habit of being completely honest about All aspects of what you’re looking for and, hopefully, people will respond in kind. It’s a good habit to get into. Successful business people have the same set of rules and ethics for both their work and personal lives.

Women tend to be too forgiving of men and their treatment towards us, expect more!! You deserve to be treated the way you treat others. Don’t accept any less. If you’re already making excuses in your mind and you’re not even effectively dating the person yet, Run!! We need to care for and about Ourselves as well as others. But when someone isn’t showing respect for you they likely aren’t showing any for themselves either. That’s not healthy. Luckily it gives you a quick snapshot that this person is Not worth your time. You should only look at property as being a fixer-upper, Never a person!

The best rule to Always remember about dating is that if you don’t like the person enough to accept them as they are Right now, can’t see yourself being with them long term as they are Right Now, then it won’t work. People don’t tend to change. I’ve been hearing and reading this for a long time and now know it to be true. One thing about life is that we Never seem to trust any rules or advice until we’ve learned them the hard way; I definitely fall into this group. That’s one of the purposes of life, to learn lessons. The trick is to learn things the 1st time around, not the 10th, otherwise life just starts to suck ;-) This goes with dating, once you’ve learned a lesson Stick with that lesson! Don’t forget what you’ve learned and don’t second guess yourself; that will undermine your confidence. If you just listen to your intuition you will make the right decision every time. Life is just Too Short to be with someone who takes away from that wonderful experience, you only want to invite a great person to join you on that journey. A relationship should be where 2 people complement each other.

Anyone looking for a relationship to make them happy will never find that happiness. Happiness TRULY has to come from within. Believe this to be true!! The same philosophy explains why addictions or habits cannot be successfully kicked unless that person Wants to kick them, and do it for Themself. Any sort of change has to be an internal decision, because it happens internally. The person has to care enough about themself to want to make that improvement. Don’t ever forget this. If you’re in a relationship and something like this comes up or is an issue, only the other person Wanting to make that change will cause the change. You can’t guilt or threaten them into it, that won’t last.

Being happy, truly happy, will help you bounce back from any bad date. When someone is cruel or mean that means that they’re hurting and this is a way for them to ‘share’ that hurt. Misery likes company. Staying mad at someone (replaying the event over and over in your mind, telling your friends about it) won’t do you any good, it just takes away from your happiness. Realize that this person has their own issues to deal with, but don’t let them add those issues to yours. Be kind to them (maybe they don’t have much kindness in their life) but keep moving on. You can and will do better. Spread joy and kindness wherever you go but don’t linger if the recipient won’t return that joy and kindness to you.

Having a good heart helps deflect the effects of hurtful people. You’ll understand their actions better than they will, you will not react to them the way most people would (by being hurtful back) and you can have an impact on their life – they’ll always remember your kindness, whether they admit it or not. Being a good, caring person helps you bounce back as well. You know you didn’t deserve any nastiness from anyone, so if you’re the recipient of any you’ll know it has Nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person.

Not taking things personally can be hard to master but it’s part of being happy – things will only affect you If You Let Them – and is definitely needed in interactions with other people.
Another good lesson to remember is that words have no meaning until you give them a meaning. I’ve had people get offended by my words where there was no offense meant. The offense was taken purely on the receiving end; none was given on the giving end. I find that people who get offended tend to Look for offense, I think this would fall under victim mentality.

If you want to be happy you Cannot entertain a victim mentality. Ever. Victim mentality gives away power, as if you are under the control of someone or something else. Accepting responsibility for yourself and Every Single Action you make will give you power over your life. You will see how you are responsible for your station in life, both the good and bad aspects of it. There Are times when bad things happen and they had nothing to do with us whatsoever, we didn’t cause them. This is how our actions affect our life and future, how we deal with adversity. That we Are responsible for. When you see how your actions or reactions affect your life then you can make better decisions and judgements. We should remove all reactions from our lives and only perform actions. Reacting puts you back under someone or something else’s control. Every minute of every day of your life you are faced with decisions to make. Take charge of those decisions, make them your own. Act on things, don’t react. Life will Never put you in a corner with only one way out. Never. We just have to start seeing things differently. There is Always a positive way out, or something positive that can come from adversity.

All of these philosophies I’ve mentioned can be used as tools in dating, just as in everyday life. At all times you should feel in complete control and always feel its ok to walk away from anyone or any situation. Always have the first date in a public place and have the usual safety precautions of letting someone know where you’re going and make plans to check in with them at a certain time, or as often as you want/need. Listen to your intuition At All Times. The other person should be open to you doing whatever it takes to feel comfortable. Being pushy is a bad sign. If they’re being pushy and you haven’t even Met them yet…. Don’t Meet Them!! You should feel Completely comfortable before meeting.

In life I’ve taken the stance of not bothering to point out things like lying. If you’ve caught them lying you don’t have to let them know you caught it, they already KNOW they’re lying. For some reason guilty people get really angry when the obvious is brought up, so I save myself that argument and just walk away. Arguing is a waste of energy and a negative act. You should be able to have a discussion with someone, not an argument. Another thing I’ll mention is that I have found braggers to Never be as good at what they bragged about as they said. Never. So don’t do this, just don’t. If you’re good at something you can mention it but don’t exaggerate it. The other person will realize your skill when the time comes, let it be a pleasant surprise :) I knew someone years ago who listed his body type as ‘about average’; he was in good shape. This was his pleasant surprise for his dates. I now do the same. I include pictures so if someone is so description shallow they won’t trust their own eyes… their loss :) This is a self-description the profile user gets to pick so it’s as reliable or unreliable as their own self description.

Trust your intuition and believe in yourself. You know yourself, you don’t know the other person, therefore you should be putting yourself first in any dating situation. Above all go to every date with the intention of having a good time, no matter the outcome, (or at least a good meal?) :) Even if you didn’t find a partner, maybe you found a friend.

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