Wow, I haven’t posted in a very long time! I’ve been giving a lot of love to Twitter @TaishkaLefler and Instagram: taishka_lefler lately, you can check those out for regular doses of happy. Here are some ‘posts’ I wrote for Twitter; my solution to the 140 character limit :p (See? There’s a solution to every problem.)
There are things we do to ourselves every single day. Even every single hour. They are self-defeating. They are self-sabotaging. They are also by choice.
If we chose to stop doing these things, in all or in part, we would see Drastic changes in our lives. Drastic.
Here is your list of actions to live a better, happier life.
STOP…
1) Worrying and being fearful
2) Judging yourself and comparing yourself to others
3) Being embarrassed
4) Explaining or justifying yourself
5) Assuming or jumping to conclusions
6) Doubting your abilities or yourself
7) Rehashing things
8) Putting yourself down
9) Complaining
10) Taking things personally
11) Letting yourself off the hook
In the last hour, the past 60 minutes, how many of these did you do? And how often? Those 11 things are very powerful, and very harmful, behaviours. When you’re happy you don’t do a single one of those. Ok, maybe the last one ;)
Those first 10 behaviours are not motivated by happiness and do not have happy outcomes.
Here’s what you should do instead:
START…
1) Accept the things that have happened. Deal with situations the best you can, as they arise. Know that most of the things you fear or worry about will NOT happen. Ever.
2) Try to be better today than you were yesterday. You are your only competition, your only comparison. No one is like you and you aren’t like anyone else. Embrace this.
3) You are human and will err. A lot. Accept this and get on with your life :) There’s nothing you could do or that will happen to you that hasn’t already happened to most of the human race (sometimes animals too).
4) It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You know why you do what you do and think what you think. If any explanation is needed keep it to a minimum. Don’t let someone derail you or try to put holes in your logic, this will demotivate you. Stay on your path. The average way of thinking and logic will not be your way of thinking and logic.
5) You see, hear and think based on biases you’ve accumulated all through your life. Whether you agree or not, listen to what others have to say. Also realize that you don’t know everything, none of us do. You won’t know every facet of every situation. Acknowledge this.
6) You trust and believe in yourself more when there’s no outside influence. So Ignore negative external influences. Don’t compare your abilities. You know what you’re good at and you’ll continue to get even better over time. Stay true to that knowledge. KNOW it! You are DAMN GOOD…at whatever :)
7) Do the best you can and do what you can. That’s all we can ever do. When you’ve wronged someone then right it the next time you see them. If there’s a lesson to be learned from something then learn it. And be done with it. Move forwards not backwards, in thoughts AND actions.
People who succeed in life are rarely reflective. Their gaze is always on the future, that’s why they succeed. – Unknown
8) No one does you quite like you. They never will. If you know you can work on and improve things then fine, make small steps in the direction of improvement. But ALWAYS commend yourself on the good things about yourself. Do this many times a day, every day. Be grateful for things in your life but also be grateful for yourself. You are….a good friend/listener/caring/thoughtful/hard working/intelligent/resourceful/funny/kind/creative/put others at ease/life of the party/compassionate/ethical/honest/empathic/sympathetic/loving/reliable/lover of animals and small children/chauffeur for friends/help people move/friendly/brighten up people’s day/make people laugh and forget their troubles/volunteer/patient/etc…. (Oh boy, the world needs Many more patient people – I’m not one of them, sorry)
You affect people in ways you will NEVER know. Your actions touch people you’ll never meet.
9) If you can change something (where you live, your job, etc) then do it. If you can’t make any changes then accept the situation and make peace with it so that you can have peace.
10) Nothing anyone does is because of you. Nothing. Not their good mood and certainly not their bad. Not their actions. Not their thoughts. We tend to vent to the first person we see or have contact with, or who lets us. Keep this in mind when someone is giving you a hard time. Always stay calm and don’t reflect back their bad energy, let it dissipate.
If you’re taking offense to something that’s because deep down you agree with what’s being implied. That’s the psychology behind our being defensive about something. When you’re being defensive take note and acknowledge that you have something to work on. And work on it.
11) Make yourself accountable for every goal, every action you want to take. Tell people who will follow up with you, people who will demand accountability from you. Set up rewards for your progress.
Everything you do either makes you money or costs you money. Make a ‘Must Do’ list of 3-6 things every night before bed. Those are your priorities for the following day. At the end of each day take stock of whether you ‘made’ or ‘spent’ money that day, with your daily activities.
You are the CEO of You, Inc. Chief Everything Officer. You are completely in charge, no one else. Every decision you make matters. Your company will either prosper, stagnate, or go bankrupt. It’s up to you.
I came across this Wonderful blog post by Jenyfer Matthews The World Needs More of This.
Here is the video:
Enjoy!!
If you’ve read any spiritual books or articles you’ve likely come across this term.
We all vibrate at different levels, levels that change as our mood changes. Now you may have no idea what that means. Let me explain, as I understand it.
When you’re happy you’re like a spinning top.
When you’re less than happy it’s like when the top spins more slowly, still upright but wobbly. Your ‘vibration’ (or spin) is at a lower level. When you’re angry, negative, or really sad your vibration is at its lowest level, the top is about to fall over from lack of spin.
‘In vibrational alignment’ is another term. When someone is Very happy, uber cheerful, does that sometimes get to you? Too chipper for you? That’s because you’re not in vibrational alignment with that person. You’re both like this:
When we don’t really believe, deep down, that we deserve something then we are not in vibrational alignment with that thing, like pieces of a puzzle that don’t fit together. This can result in a relationship not working out, someone not calling you back after a first date, or not getting a job. We can actually push things away by trying too hard or coming across as desperate. Money? If somewhere in your mind you don’t feel completely comfortable, completely at ease, with the idea of having a decent amount of money…. then you won’t. These are called self-limiting beliefs.
If there are any mental barriers to something you want, then you won’t get it. Want a relationship, but believe in negative stereotypes because you’ve been hurt? Then you will repel all the good candidates. The match won’t work, can’t work; you’re vibrating at a lower level than the person you want. In this state there’s no point in The Universe matching you two up because you’ll just sabotage it anyway.
Being single is the time to work on yourself, to learn to Love yourself, to be Happy with yourself. This will raise your vibration (increase your rate of spin, so to speak) and allow you to be a match to the puzzle pieces that represent all the things that you want in your life. Or being unemployed. This is the time to figure out what you Really want to do with your life. What job, what career, would make you happy and not just pay the bills? Bills will never go away, why give up your joy for them? Working at a job that makes you happy, or working for yourself if that’s what you want, will raise your vibration. It will help you to be a better match to all the great things you want in your life.
Happy people attract certain people, things and events into their lives because they’re a Match to those certain people, things and events. When someone is in a foul mood you don’t want to be anywhere near them, right? Their low level of vibration is much lower than yours and this repels you, physically bothers you. So you look for more pleasant people to be around (people with higher levels of vibration), who make you feel good to be in their presence.
You want your current vibration of needs and wants 
to streamline more like this 
.
As I mentioned in the beginning of this post our levels of vibration are constantly changing. Don’t worry too much about the swing between high and low, that’s just life. But try to vibrate at a higher level (being happier) more often than you vibrate at a lower level (sad, cranky, angry).
And watch the change this brings to your life!
I’ve noticed people feel a connection to the people they’re related to, yet they don’t seem to feel the same way towards all the other people around them. And if you live in a city you’re always surrounded by people you’re not related to, people who you feel no connection to.
Back far enough in time we all shared the same DNA but we have this ‘that was then, this is now’ attitude about it.
My uncle, while questing out the Lefler family tree, found a connection to Charles Lindbergh. I find that very cool; aerospace and space exploration are my biggest passions (why I took mechanical engineering and I’m definitely game for the one-way trip to Mars). But being a spiritual person I believe we are souls in bodies, and are connected to absolutely everything in existence.
We sit on public transit, wedged in with many other people, but don’t say a peep to anyone. Why? Because they’re ‘strangers’.
A stranger is a friend you haven’t made yet. We share So Much in common with these so-called strangers. We all want to be happy, strive to improve our lives, have worries, fears, laugh, cry, love and suffer loss.
So back to this perceived separateness. Get your hands on the documentary ‘I AM’ and about halfway through there’s this fascinating scene with HeartMath and yogurt. I swear to God, yogurt. You will be blown away.
We Are Not Separate. That is an illusion.
Now for some more hidden connectedness. Ever had Reiki?
What about when you can feel when someone is looking at you? (I actually don’t experience this but I have been caught by others) Or you can just tell when someone is in a good or bad mood? When just being around a certain person always makes you feel comfortable, or uncomfortable? When you think of someone and they then reach out to you, or vice versa?
These are examples of the ‘us’ that is more than just flesh and blood. We are able to detect so much more than what we can hear and see (as those senses are pretty limited).
I think most, if not all of us, have experienced something “paranormal”. Yet we are afraid to say anything, to admit to it, because it’s taboo. Just how ridiculous is that?? We all have this ‘secret’, yet most of us are afraid of what someone else will say or think if we talk about it. Yet they themselves likely would have also experienced something, at some point.
This dirty word “paranormal” is really just our ability to tap into things we’re already connected to, whether in our own world/plane/dimension or another.
You have no connection to the people around you? Oh, you have connection to So Much More than just the 8 billion people who live in this world with you. So Much More…
Here is the Carrie Underwood video for this song if you haven’t heard the song before http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lydBPm2KRaU
I’d say this song of hers ‘So Small’ is the motto of my life recently. This great video can only be viewed on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEQj6RrQbgA so here’s a working video:
I’ve been holding off on mentioning this current aspect of my life, and unless I tell people they have no idea.
I originally wrote this with more information but for now I won’t include many details.
In the past few years I’ve spent some of that time sleeping on a friend’s couch (though I never considered that as being homeless, there Was a roof over my head, even if not my own).
Since last March, aside from 1 month again at my friend’s place, I’ve been living in a shelter.
It’s definitely not an easy thing to go through but I’ve managed, and have taken this time to figure things out in my life.
It’s been a great growth experience, I’ll say that. Giving up practically everything I own (Once again – I have done that too many times in my life) and learning to be ok with it; we’re very much attached to our possessions. Giving up my books was the most painful thing but I did it. I did it.
Living with people who are on the lowest rung of society’s ladder I am learning more about the ‘human condition’. I can identify behaviours more clearly, understand psychology more easily.
Every single day my motivation and happiness gets tested. And every day I get better at becoming immune to outside forces. Happiness is an internal state, an internal choice. There is indeed humour to be found Anywhere, even in the shelter system (believe me I chuckle, or even LOL, regularly at the stuff I see. Silly humans 8-D). I’m in my 2nd shelter, this one being a ‘last stop’ type shelter; it’s the last option before the street for people who get kicked out of other shelters. The people I ‘live’ with are some of the hardest I’ll ever have to deal with in my life. But this experience is coming to an end. I now have figured out and learned what I needed to for myself.
But know this: if I can handle this massive upheaval then so can you!
I am no better than anyone. I am no stronger than anyone. I am just as infallible as anyone. I’ve just decided to not give in. Ever. That’s all it is. A choice. A simple choice.
I have my dark days too, but they do pass. Yours will as well. It’s not by accident that you’ve made it this far in life!
Anyone who walked out of the concentration camps survived, not necessarily because they went in being strong willed but because they Decided to become strong willed. They decided to endure whatever they had to, if it meant survival, so that one day they could walk out. POW’s had to use much more than they were taught in basic military training. They had to reach deep down to find the courage and strength that they needed. But whatever they needed was there. It was right there when they needed it, deep down. We ALL have what we need, deep down, to get through. We just have to reach for it.
You don’t need a gym to get in shape, you don’t need college or university to get an education, and you don’t need to be a superhero to do super things. You just have to make the choice.
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” I wish he didn’t believe in me so much. But he does, so I will too.
Accept my Dare to add to your personal growth. It’s a 3 step process…
Choose your Dare
– Talk to someone you’d normally never talk to. Try to do this at least once a day.
– Make a bucket list, number the items, then get someone to randomly pick a number. Make fulfilling that action your priority in life. When you’ve completed the mission, repeat.
– Live for one week as your hero. Do everything like they would do it. Think like them, demand action and respect like them, have their confidence. If, after that week, you like the changes in your life and in yourself then continue for another week. And another.
– Take your biggest fear, brainstorm with friends the funniest/easiest way to work on that fear, get their promise to help & support you, then do it.
– If you’re shy go somewhere that is either busy or where you’re not likely to know anyone (so you’re not mortified) and do something absolutely goofy, that lasts at least a couple of minutes, perhaps like this:
Or participate in something like ‘No Pants Day’ on public transit.
– Every day decide to do 1 thing that scares you. Speaking up, striking up a conversation with a stranger, standing up for yourself, saying no, saying yes, challenging an authority figure who’s wrong – as long as it won’t get you arrested or fired. (Though maybe fired isn’t bad if you don’t like the job)
– Plan out your dream life and the required steps to get you to there from here and an approximate timeline. Then tell someone and make them hold you accountable for each step of the way and to keep you on track. Any deviation from the plan or delay in timeline should be presented as an argument to the person holding you accountable; you need to show how you’ve thought through your actions and reasoning.
– Remove people from your life that are holding you back from greatness.
Tell people. Tell a lot of people. The best way to get results is to be accountable. Put it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, StumbleUpon, etc. Make it your status on social media.
Comment about the Dare you picked or a Dare of your own choosing, and tell us all about it when you’re done.
Dare others. Make this like the ice bucket challenge. Once you’ve accepted a Dare challenge other people to accept and complete a Dare of their own.
One weekend before Halloween there was the Zombie Walk at City Hall in downtown Toronto. I went to Zombie-watch but was able to get free makeup so I joined the fun. It was unclear when the walk was so I did my own Zombie Walk around the block. Most people didn’t know what was going on that day so I had the element of surprise and ghoul on my side :) I had a lot of fun! I was able to scare a lot of people with my sneaky ways :-D What surprised me is when people were either so intent on their phones or talking to the person they were with or looking ahead as they walked that they Didn’t Even Notice Me. This is how I looked.
![IMG_20141025_172855[1]](https://taishka.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/img_20141025_1728551.jpg)
Yes, some people actually paid me no mind.
I sometimes waved instead of trying to eat brains, with this hand.
![IMG_20141025_170727[1]](https://taishka.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/img_20141025_1707271.jpg)
The other side looks just as ‘bloody’. When people looked up from their body attachment…
…they either smiled or waved back but didn’t seem to notice the ‘blood’ on my hand. Sometimes my hand is all they saw, or should I say didn’t see as the ‘blood’ didn’t phase them.
Electronic toys are here for good, no matter the form they take. Social media will forever remain a part of our world, no matter how it evolves. But we have the choice of how much it becomes integrated into our lives. Are you able to turn off the TV, turn off the computer or tablet, put your phone down and just go for a walk or even leave the house for the day? Our idea of ‘I need it’ is like a woman’s purse. Our purses keep getting bigger yet are always full of stuff. The bigger the purse the more stuff we put in it. We don’t need most of that stuff. Men get by with wallets (or did before the man bag became a fashion accessory) . Our purses contain wallets as well as so much more. But we feel that we need all of that stuff. Our idea of ‘need’ is becoming skewered.
Toronto is a large, multi-cultural city with a lot of people. Yet many times I see people on their phones, talking or texting, ignoring all the people around them.
When do we decide to be friendly with people and be open to making friends, or even just having a conversation, and other times (the majority) decide we’ll only talk or text with the people we already know. None of us came into this world having friends, we only came into this world having family (or did, if we’re lucky). We actually made friends at some point, we never just had friends. When do we decide that those people are the only friends we’ll make? When do we become resistant to adding to that friend base? The opportunity is always there but it can take things such as a new school, a new job, or a new home to force us to reach out and ‘talk to strangers’. When we talk to enough strangers we make acquaintances and friends. At the very least we improve someone’s day by being friendly.
We have this feeling of separation from other humans. We see differences, real or imagined. There is so much of the Us vs Them mentality. We group people based on skin colour, religious beliefs, ethnicity, even by where they live. When we talk to someone new, even if by accident, what do we notice? We notice similarities. Shared interests, sense of humour, political beliefs, or even travel destinations. We have the same fears. We all cry. We all get hurt. We all want to love and be loved. We all want to be accepted. We all want respect.
We disconnect ourselves from each other, cut ourselves off from each other. We can be surrounded by a sea of people and will either ignore everyone and everything, listening to music and/or playing games, or texting with a few select people that we’ve allowed into our world.
Once I had a conversation with someone who never took their oversized earphones off, I had no idea if the music was still playing or not. It was very distracting, it felt like if I got boring they could turn their music back on and I would never know.
We all want to be loved, appreciated, respected….
Technology is created to improve our lives and to help us connect. It’s up to each of us whether it hits the mark or not.
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