There are things we do to ourselves every single day. Even every single hour. They are self-defeating. They are self-sabotaging. They are also by choice.
If we chose to stop doing these things, in all or in part, we would see Drastic changes in our lives. Drastic.
Here is your list of actions to live a better, happier life.
1) Worrying and being fearful
2) Judging yourself and comparing yourself to others
3) Being embarrassed
4) Explaining or justifying yourself
5) Assuming or jumping to conclusions
6) Doubting your abilities or yourself
7) Rehashing things
8) Putting yourself down
10) Taking things personally
11) Letting yourself off the hook
In the last hour, the past 60 minutes, how many of these did you do? And how often? Those 11 things are very powerful, and very harmful, behaviours. When you’re happy you don’t do a single one of those. Ok, maybe the last one ;)
Those first 10 behaviours are not motivated by happiness and do not have happy outcomes.
Here’s what you should do instead:
1) Accept the things that have happened. Deal with situations the best you can, as they arise. Know that most of the things you fear or worry about will NOT happen. Ever.
2) Try to be better today than you were yesterday. You are your only competition, your only comparison. No one is like you and you aren’t like anyone else. Embrace this.
3) You are human and will err. A lot. Accept this and get on with your life :) There’s nothing you could do or that will happen to you that hasn’t already happened to most of the human race (sometimes animals too).
4) It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You know why you do what you do and think what you think. If any explanation is needed keep it to a minimum. Don’t let someone derail you or try to put holes in your logic, this will demotivate you. Stay on your path. The average way of thinking and logic will not be your way of thinking and logic.
5) You see, hear and think based on biases you’ve accumulated all through your life. Whether you agree or not, listen to what others have to say. Also realize that you don’t know everything, none of us do. You won’t know every facet of every situation. Acknowledge this.
6) You trust and believe in yourself more when there’s no outside influence. So Ignore negative external influences. Don’t compare your abilities. You know what you’re good at and you’ll continue to get even better over time. Stay true to that knowledge. KNOW it! You are DAMN GOOD…at whatever :)
7) Do the best you can and do what you can. That’s all we can ever do. When you’ve wronged someone then right it the next time you see them. If there’s a lesson to be learned from something then learn it. And be done with it. Move forwards not backwards, in thoughts AND actions.
People who succeed in life are rarely reflective. Their gaze is always on the future, that’s why they succeed. – Unknown
8) No one does you quite like you. They never will. If you know you can work on and improve things then fine, make small steps in the direction of improvement. But ALWAYS commend yourself on the good things about yourself. Do this many times a day, every day. Be grateful for things in your life but also be grateful for yourself. You are….a good friend/listener/caring/thoughtful/hard working/intelligent/resourceful/funny/kind/creative/put others at ease/life of the party/compassionate/ethical/honest/empathic/sympathetic/loving/reliable/lover of animals and small children/chauffeur for friends/help people move/friendly/brighten up people’s day/make people laugh and forget their troubles/volunteer/patient/etc…. (Oh boy, the world needs Many more patient people – I’m not one of them, sorry)
You affect people in ways you will NEVER know. Your actions touch people you’ll never meet.
9) If you can change something (where you live, your job, etc) then do it. If you can’t make any changes then accept the situation and make peace with it so that you can have peace.
10) Nothing anyone does is because of you. Nothing. Not their good mood and certainly not their bad. Not their actions. Not their thoughts. We tend to vent to the first person we see or have contact with, or who lets us. Keep this in mind when someone is giving you a hard time. Always stay calm and don’t reflect back their bad energy, let it dissipate.
If you’re taking offense to something that’s because deep down you agree with what’s being implied. That’s the psychology behind our being defensive about something. When you’re being defensive take note and acknowledge that you have something to work on. And work on it.
11) Make yourself accountable for every goal, every action you want to take. Tell people who will follow up with you, people who will demand accountability from you. Set up rewards for your progress.
Everything you do either makes you money or costs you money. Make a ‘Must Do’ list of 3-6 things every night before bed. Those are your priorities for the following day. At the end of each day take stock of whether you ‘made’ or ‘spent’ money that day, with your daily activities.
You are the CEO of You, Inc. Chief Everything Officer. You are completely in charge, no one else. Every decision you make matters. Your company will either prosper, stagnate, or go bankrupt. It’s up to you.