Stop

There are things we do to ourselves every single day. Even every single hour. They are self-defeating. They are self-sabotaging. They are also by choice.

If we chose to stop doing these things, in all or in part, we would see Drastic changes in our lives. Drastic.

Here is your list of actions to live a better, happier life.

STOP…

1) Worrying and being fearful

2) Judging yourself and comparing yourself to others

3) Being embarrassed

4) Explaining or justifying yourself

5) Assuming or jumping to conclusions

6) Doubting your abilities or yourself

7) Rehashing things

8) Putting yourself down

9) Complaining

10) Taking things personally

11) Letting yourself off the hook

In the last hour, the past 60 minutes, how many of these did you do? And how often? Those 11 things are very powerful, and very harmful, behaviours. When you’re happy you don’t do a single one of those. Ok, maybe the last one ;)

Those first 10 behaviours are not motivated by happiness and do not have happy outcomes.

Here’s what you should do instead:

START…

1) Accept the things that have happened. Deal with situations the best you can, as they arise. Know that most of the things you fear or worry about will NOT happen. Ever.

2) Try to be better today than you were yesterday. You are your only competition, your only comparison. No one is like you and you aren’t like anyone else. Embrace this.

3) You are human and will err. A lot. Accept this and get on with your life :) There’s nothing you could do or that will happen to you that hasn’t already happened to most of the human race (sometimes animals too).

4) It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You know why you do what you do and think what you think. If any explanation is needed keep it to a minimum. Don’t let someone derail you or try to put holes in your logic, this will demotivate you. Stay on your path. The average way of thinking and logic will not be your way of thinking and logic.

5) You see, hear and think based on biases you’ve accumulated all through your life. Whether you agree or not, listen to what others have to say. Also realize that you don’t know everything, none of us do. You won’t know every facet of every situation. Acknowledge this.

6) You trust and believe in yourself more when there’s no outside influence. So Ignore negative external influences. Don’t compare your abilities. You know what you’re good at and you’ll continue to get even better over time. Stay true to that knowledge. KNOW it! You are DAMN GOOD…at whatever :)

7) Do the best you can and do what you can. That’s all we can ever do. When you’ve wronged someone then right it the next time you see them. If there’s a lesson to be learned from something then learn it. And be done with it. Move forwards not backwards, in thoughts AND actions.

People who succeed in life are rarely reflective. Their gaze is always on the future, that’s why they succeed. – Unknown

8) No one does you quite like you. They never will. If you know you can work on and improve things then fine, make small steps in the direction of improvement. But ALWAYS commend yourself on the good things about yourself. Do this many times a day, every day. Be grateful for things in your life but also be grateful for yourself. You are….a good friend/listener/caring/thoughtful/hard working/intelligent/resourceful/funny/kind/creative/put others at ease/life of the party/compassionate/ethical/honest/empathic/sympathetic/loving/reliable/lover of animals and small children/chauffeur for friends/help people move/friendly/brighten up people’s day/make people laugh and forget their troubles/volunteer/patient/etc…. (Oh boy, the world needs Many more patient people – I’m not one of them, sorry)

You affect people in ways you will NEVER know. Your actions touch people you’ll never meet.

9) If you can change something (where you live, your job, etc) then do it. If you can’t make any changes then accept the situation and make peace with it so that you can have peace.

10) Nothing anyone does is because of you. Nothing. Not their good mood and certainly not their bad. Not their actions. Not their thoughts. We tend to vent to the first person we see or have contact with, or who lets us. Keep this in mind when someone is giving you a hard time. Always stay calm and don’t reflect back their bad energy, let it dissipate.

If you’re taking offense to something that’s because deep down you agree with what’s being implied. That’s the psychology behind our being defensive about something. When you’re being defensive take note and acknowledge that you have something to work on. And work on it.

11) Make yourself accountable for every goal, every action you want to take. Tell people who will follow up with you, people who will demand accountability from you. Set up rewards for your progress.
Everything you do either makes you money or costs you money. Make a ‘Must Do’ list of 3-6 things every night before bed. Those are your priorities for the following day. At the end of each day take stock of whether you ‘made’ or ‘spent’ money that day, with your daily activities.

You are the CEO of You, Inc. Chief Everything Officer. You are completely in charge, no one else. Every decision you make matters. Your company will either prosper, stagnate, or go bankrupt. It’s up to you.

What will people think??

We constantly compare ourselves to others. We compare weight, body type/shape, clothes, jobs/careers, cars, partners or spouses….and on and on and on. We compare Everything! We’re not taught to be content with ourselves. We think someone else is ahead of us in some aspect of life because of something they have that we don’t.

Being a fairly happy-go-lucky person I’ve mostly stopped worrying what others think. They have their own life, I have mine. And mine is Much more fun so I’m not going to hold back because someone might judge something about me.

These 2 things, worrying what others think and also constantly comparing ourselves to them, puts us in a prison, a cage. How can you just be happy and live life and when you feel strangers need to approve of you and everything you do?

Here’s…someone. She’s going to represent every woman we women compare ourselves to. She’s also going to represent the person we’re worrying ‘what will people think??’

What do you know about her? She’s blonde…right now (might be a dye job). And that’s she’s dressed nicely. Is she dressed for work? Does she like to dress up for herself? Did we catch her just after a photo shoot where they let her keep the clothes?

Men, here’s a random man to represent who you see as your bar, as your competition. You try to match him in all areas of life. You worry what he thinks of you, of your actions, of your life. What do you know about him? He’s dressed in business casual, is white or European and looks serious. That’s it.

From these pictures you can’t tell their height, their likes or dislikes, their sense of humour, their hopes and dreams, whether they prefer Coke or Pepsi, cats or dogs, the country or city life…

We may compare our dwelling and car with someone else in the neighbourhood and feel inferior, not knowing that person has a nicer ride and crib because a deceased relative willed them a lot of money. Or a trust fund came due. Or…any host of revenue sources we aren’t aware of.

Someone at work may always be critical of you, of everyone, making you think they’re a mean person. In reality that person could have just lost their parents, be in a nasty divorce and just found out that they have cancer. And they could be dealing with all of this alone.

You may be comparing your modest lifestyle with someone ‘wealthy’ on your block and not know they are so high in debt that they can barely sleep at night, worrying about it. This person is more concerned with giving a fake impression of wealth than with how they can actually manage to sustain that impression and what it’s doing to them.

You just never know. If you don’t know what’s going on in their life, anything about them in fact, then how could they know anything about you and yours?

Walking down the street, or riding the streetcar/subway/bus, people don’t want to just let loose and dance/sing/etc because…’what will people think??’
People don’t want to make noise making love because ‘what will people think??’ I’d imagine they’d just think ‘I’m jealous’. :p

While listening to a kickin’ song and waiting to cross the street why not just bust a move? Are you worried ‘what will people think??’ Get over it! Let them be jealous, or have snarky thoughts. Let that be their problem, not yours.
While driving seat dance to a good song. Who cares what people think? Belt out to your favourite song! Who cares what people think?

If they’re judging you then they must have a pretty miserable or boring life. Their problem, not yours. You’re too busy having a Wonderful life! Or at least you should be :)

If you want to compare yourself to anyone, to worry ‘what will people think??’ here’s your people:

Stylish, in great shape and…not real.

If you’re living any aspect of your life, monitoring your behaviours, based on the question ‘what will people think??’ just remember that you know Nothing about those people. And they know Nothing about you. Appearances tell you nothing about a person. Decide to break free from the prison of ‘what will people think??’ and live to be happy! Everyone loses with judgment. Everyone wins with happy!!

If anyone makes you feel insecure think of this guy….

He could be sitting on an invisible desk but I’m inclined to think he’s about to do the leprechaun jig :p

Or think of them in their…

Success

I’d like to write not about the North American view of success, usually rooted in money, but rather in what I perceive to be True success – within ourselves.

Even though my blogs will All be motivation-based their immediate relationship to the topic of motivation may seem a little blurred but I feel that as 3-dimensional people our lives aren’t black and white and Many things touch us. Being positive and motivated, and helping others find this in themselves, isn’t independent of life – it IS life. In my last blog about bullying I showed how I feel motivation and positivity will solve the problem. The headlining of the gun control issue after that horrible massacre of young children at Christmas baffled, saddened and frustrated me. The problem is Not gun availability but rather what happened to make that troubled soul do such a horrendous thing in the first place. A country of so many people and many of the rulers and law-makers don’t seem to care about any of them. Prevention works better than cure! We need to invest in People, not corporations! Prohibition of Anything fails – alcohol, drugs, guns. “Taboo” is a very good movie that Morgan Freeman narrated, with very valid points on this subject.
Ozzy Osbourne said “If people don’t kill, if guns kill, then why do we send people to war? Why don’t we just send the guns?” Well said Ozzy, well said!!

One of the best tools for development and growth is to Not care what others think. It’s a hard habit to break but well worth it! My ‘nomadic’ upbringing has really helped in this regard; I didn’t really Have anyone to try to impress – not family and not anyone at school since I was always the new kid. When you’re not distracted by this you make decisions that are best for You. You don’t spend money you don’t have trying to impress. You don’t judge yourself through someone else’s eyes.

Part of my personal success has been this very long, convoluted journey of entry level jobs and a mish-mash of post-secondary education-dabbling, trying to find my happiness in others’ viewpoint of how to live or what I should be doing. I have Finally seen the light as to the latter part; my life is for Me! Only I will be living it so I may as well make sure I enjoy it.

Last semester I made some decisions that have given me leaps and bounds towards my personal success. My game plan had been to complete the 2nd year of my Automation and Robotics diploma and the 3rd year of my Mechanical Engineering Design diploma by this summer. To do this I was enrolled in 8 engineering-heavy courses. This course load Would have been doable but at the beginning of the semester I was still working 30 hours every weekend and I also decided to volunteer for a couple of ongoing things and for any school function. I also started a school club and created a Facebook page under the club name but it had a very different mandate than the club – it took a Lot of time. It’s all a blur – like the movie Rushmore. I Do remember being constantly sleep deprived and falling asleep at my desk every single night.

Not surprising it all blew up in my face. I never had time to study or do homework, I actually forgot about tests and I didn’t study for my exams (I was putting all of my time into the club and the Facebook page). And you know what? I wouldn’t change last semester for the world!! I learned SO much about myself! I enjoy putting on events. I love volunteering. I love working with children. I love that I fought my shyness and many people now see me as “so outgoing”, “friendly” and “bubbly”. Only a few short months ago I was preparing myself for a career and life that wasn’t going to make me happy. I was going to force my square self into a round hole. Now I’m on a VERY different path. I’m exploring my motivational side, event planning, and volunteering as a literacy tutor (I have always wanted to do this) . I will start a self-esteem and confidence-building website for youth, keep my school club and the Facebook page alive, and create a Facebook page geared towards employment/job searching/networking for college students. I will also start a support group for birth parents. The thought of doing any of this doesn’t seem like work, I’m Very excited and happy about my future. I’ve never felt this way before.

Life is a journey, not a destination. When you decide to go after an ambition or goal you don’t have to wait for it to be realized to become happy, happiness is Part of the journey! Isn’t that great?? Now that I have finally seen the path for my life I have so much energy, excitement and passion! I am actively participating in the direction of my life and I feel great! Up until this point I was just a leaf floating in the wind, completely at its mercy, going wherever it blew me. Now I’m like a bird, steering and directing myself.

One thing I did right all these years was to not worry too much about the money aspect of my life (materialism) and just work on my own skills and abilities instead. I’ve always been proud of what I now call my success; who I truly am. If you were suddenly beamed elsewhere in the world how hard would it be to get to the point where you are now, with career, home, etc? To me That is success. That is what I have put all of my effort into building. I could lose every single physical thing I own and not have it change who or what I am. Materialism has always been my last priority, I was more concerned with acquiring the skills that could help me get anything I need or want. I don’t ‘hope’ or ‘wish’ that life gets better for me, I Expect it. Hoping and wishing keeps it in the ‘belief’ category – pie in the sky. Leave the pie for dessert :)

Being happy is a great thing! I’m naturally a night person and even though I wouldn’t call myself a morning person I Do now wake up with a smile on my face :) I have pep in my step, I have purpose, drive and ambition! Bob Proctor said that your goals should be so big that they scare you. They do indeed! I have Such massive goals, dreams and expectations. A beautiful thing is that I won’t have to do Any of this alone! No one successfully does anything alone, it doesn’t work that way. None of us lives in a bubble. The help I’ll need along the way will be sent to me, I know this to be true. I don’t hope or wish, I know. Once we see and believe ourselves to be a ‘success’ others will see and believe also.

Taishka's Blog

Hakuna Matata!

Tag Archives: judge

Stop

What will people think??

Success