I’m back 😊

Wow, I haven’t posted in a very long time! I’ve been giving a lot of love to Twitter @TaishkaLefler and Instagram: taishka_lefler lately, you can check those out for regular doses of happy. Here are some ‘posts’ I wrote for Twitter; my solution to the 140 character limit :p (See? There’s a solution to every problem.)

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Be Selfish :-D

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Many of us love to help others. We go out of our way even for strangers; if someone needs something, and we can provide it, then we do. But the downside is that we can completely drain ourselves doing this. We can live our lives for others. This may seem very charitable but it’s not. If you don’t keep your own health and happiness in mind then you’re doing a disservice to others and to yourself. If you ‘dry’ yourself up for others, then how can you keep providing help and assistance? You can only truly help other people when your own tank is full. It’s not about just Doing, it’s about showing other people tricks and tools for how to live a great and fulfilling life. Giving your all to others can create resentment, not the outcome you want. Helping should make you feel Good! Once it stops feeling good stop and question why.

[If you want a visual: You are a car. Looking after yourself is the gas station that fills up your tank. When you help others you give them gas from your tank. If you keep just helping and helping then you will eventually run out of gas. With no gas left, not even for yourself, you need to get back to the gas station for a refill. But you gave away all of your gas so you can’t even get back to the gas station. This is when you have health and emotional problems, which will Persist until you figure out How to get back to the gas station.]

I finally decided to make service to others (volunteering) a part of my life last year. But I also decided to do many other things and ended up putting way too much on my plate. It all fell apart. I’ve taken some time off from the regular demands of life – catching up on sleep, only working as much as I have to, only volunteering for 1 organization instead of 2+. I feel guilty about this at times but after spending 9 years at college/university I had to spend some time figuring out what I wanted to do with my life; none of my past programs showed me that.

Passion and interest have to match up with skills and abilities. I took engineering but was never the top of any of my classes so I had to pay attention to that. I’ve always been passionate about space exploration but since my skill doesn’t match my passion that’s not a good direction for me. (Aerospace engineering is math heavy and that’s my worst subject) Thanks to that insanely busy semester (I tried tackling 2 diplomas – my 3rd year in Mechanical and my 2nd in Robotics, was working, volunteering, training for future volunteering, and started a school club) I noticed I quite enjoyed, and was good at, my club activities and endeavours. I at first thought perhaps Event Management was in my future. Upon careful consideration (the next semester I withdrew and started to just enjoy life and relax) I realized it’s the helping of people that I’m both Good at and Greatly enjoy. But to figure that out I had to leave the rat race for a bit and just spend a good amount of time pondering my life. (And yes, 3 years of engineering is a rat race. Every spare moment is supposed to be spent doing homework, studying and working on assignments. You want a life? You can have one when you graduate ;-) )

So thanks to this time of being selfish I have, for the first time ever, realistic goals for my future career. Life Coach. Holistic Practitioner. And Strategic Interventionist (Life Coaching the Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes way. It is Amazing what that man can do! I want to be able to positively affect people’s lives like that :) ) And perhaps be a motivational writer and speaker. And of course continuing and sharing my spiritual growth journey :)

That is still a lot, I’ll have to figure out what I’m best at in those fields or how they can be meshed together. But thanks to my time of self-reflection and being ‘selfish’ (by North American standards) I have started to figure out how I can best be of service to others and myself.

Success

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I’d like to write not about the North American view of success, usually rooted in money, but rather in what I perceive to be True success – within ourselves.

Even though my blogs will All be motivation-based their immediate relationship to the topic of motivation may seem a little blurred but I feel that as 3-dimensional people our lives aren’t black and white and Many things touch us. Being positive and motivated, and helping others find this in themselves, isn’t independent of life – it IS life. In my last blog about bullying I showed how I feel motivation and positivity will solve the problem. The headlining of the gun control issue after that horrible massacre of young children at Christmas baffled, saddened and frustrated me. The problem is Not gun availability but rather what happened to make that troubled soul do such a horrendous thing in the first place. A country of so many people and many of the rulers and law-makers don’t seem to care about any of them. Prevention works better than cure! We need to invest in People, not corporations! Prohibition of Anything fails – alcohol, drugs, guns.  “Taboo” is a very good movie that Morgan Freeman narrated, with very valid points on this subject.
Ozzy Osbourne said “If people don’t kill, if guns kill, then why do we send people to war? Why don’t we just send the guns?” Well said Ozzy, well said!!

One of the best tools for development and growth is to Not care what others think. It’s a hard habit to break but well worth it! My ‘nomadic’ upbringing has really helped in this regard; I didn’t really Have anyone to try to impress – not family and not anyone at school since I was always the new kid. When you’re not distracted by this you make decisions that are best for You. You don’t spend money you don’t have trying to impress. You don’t judge yourself through someone else’s eyes.

Part of my personal success has been this very long, convoluted journey of entry level jobs and a mish-mash of post-secondary education-dabbling, trying to find my happiness in others’ viewpoint of how to live or what I should be doing. I have Finally seen the light as to the latter part; my life is for Me! Only I will be living it so I may as well make sure I enjoy it.

Last semester I made some decisions that have given me leaps and bounds towards my personal success. My game plan had been to complete the 2nd year of my Automation and Robotics diploma and the 3rd year of my Mechanical Engineering Design diploma by this summer. To do this I was enrolled in 8 engineering-heavy courses. This course load Would have been doable but at the beginning of the semester I was still working 30 hours every weekend and I also decided to volunteer for a couple of ongoing things and for any school function. I also started a school club and created a Facebook page under the club name but it had a very different mandate than the club – it took a Lot of time. It’s all a blur – like the movie Rushmore. I Do remember being constantly sleep deprived and falling asleep at my desk every single night.

Not surprising it all blew up in my face. I never had time to study or do homework, I actually forgot about tests and I didn’t study for my exams (I was putting all of my time into the club and the Facebook page). And you know what? I wouldn’t change last semester for the world!! I learned SO much about myself! I enjoy putting on events. I love volunteering. I love working with children. I love that I fought my shyness and many people now see me as “so outgoing”, “friendly” and “bubbly”. Only a few short months ago I was preparing myself for a career and life that wasn’t going to make me happy. I was going to force my square self into a round hole. Now I’m on a VERY different path. I’m exploring my motivational side, event planning, and volunteering as a literacy tutor (I have always wanted to do this) . I will start a self-esteem and confidence-building website for youth, keep my school club and the Facebook page alive, and create a Facebook page geared towards employment/job searching/networking for college students. I will also start a support group for birth parents. The thought of doing any of this doesn’t seem like work, I’m Very excited and happy about my future. I’ve never felt this way before.

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Life is a journey, not a destination. When you decide to go after an ambition or goal you don’t have to wait for it to be realized to become happy, happiness is Part of the journey! Isn’t that great?? Now that I have finally seen the path for my life I have so much energy, excitement and passion! I am actively participating in the direction of my life and I feel great! Up until this point I was just a leaf floating in the wind, completely at its mercy, going wherever it blew me. Now I’m like a bird, steering and directing myself.

One thing I did right all these years was to not worry too much about the money aspect of my life (materialism) and just work on my own skills and abilities instead. I’ve always been proud of what I now call my success; who I truly am. If you were suddenly beamed elsewhere in the world how hard would it be to get to the point where you are now, with career, home, etc? To me That is success. That is what I have put all of my effort into building. I could lose every single physical thing I own and not have it change who or what I am. Materialism has always been my last priority, I was more concerned with acquiring the skills that could help me get anything I need or want. I don’t ‘hope’ or ‘wish’ that life gets better for me, I Expect it. Hoping and wishing keeps it in the ‘belief’ category – pie in the sky. Leave the pie for dessert :)

Being happy is a great thing! I’m naturally a night person and even though I wouldn’t call myself a morning person I Do now wake up with a smile on my face :) I have pep in my step, I have purpose, drive and ambition! Bob Proctor said that your goals should be so big that they scare you. They do indeed! I have Such massive goals, dreams and expectations. A beautiful thing is that I won’t have to do Any of this alone! No one successfully does anything alone, it doesn’t work that way. None of us lives in a bubble. The help I’ll need along the way will be sent to me, I know this to be true. I don’t hope or wish, I know. Once we see and believe ourselves to be a ‘success’ others will see and believe also.