Stop

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There are things we do to ourselves every single day. Even every single hour. They are self-defeating. They are self-sabotaging. They are also by choice.

If we chose to stop doing these things, in all or in part, we would see Drastic changes in our lives. Drastic.

Here is your list of actions to live a better, happier life.

STOP…

1) Worrying and being fearful

2) Judging yourself and comparing yourself to others

3) Being embarrassed

4) Explaining or justifying yourself

5) Assuming or jumping to conclusions

6) Doubting your abilities or yourself

7) Rehashing things

8) Putting yourself down

9) Complaining

10) Taking things personally

11) Letting yourself off the hook

In the last hour, the past 60 minutes, how many of these did you do? And how often? Those 11 things are very powerful, and very harmful, behaviours. When you’re happy you don’t do a single one of those. Ok, maybe the last one ;)

Those first 10 behaviours are not motivated by happiness and do not have happy outcomes.

Here’s what you should do instead:

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START…

1) Accept the things that have happened. Deal with situations the best you can, as they arise. Know that most of the things you fear or worry about will NOT happen. Ever.

2) Try to be better today than you were yesterday. You are your only competition, your only comparison. No one is like you and you aren’t like anyone else. Embrace this.

3) You are human and will err. A lot. Accept this and get on with your life :) There’s nothing you could do or that will happen to you that hasn’t already happened to most of the human race (sometimes animals too).

4) It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You know why you do what you do and think what you think. If any explanation is needed keep it to a minimum. Don’t let someone derail you or try to put holes in your logic, this will demotivate you. Stay on your path. The average way of thinking and logic will not be your way of thinking and logic.

5) You see, hear and think based on biases you’ve accumulated all through your life. Whether you agree or not, listen to what others have to say. Also realize that you don’t know everything, none of us do. You won’t know every facet of every situation. Acknowledge this.

6) You trust and believe in yourself more when there’s no outside influence. So Ignore negative external influences. Don’t compare your abilities. You know what you’re good at and you’ll continue to get even better over time. Stay true to that knowledge. KNOW it! You are DAMN GOOD…at whatever :)

7) Do the best you can and do what you can. That’s all we can ever do. When you’ve wronged someone then right it the next time you see them. If there’s a lesson to be learned from something then learn it. And be done with it. Move forwards not backwards, in thoughts AND actions.

People who succeed in life are rarely reflective. Their gaze is always on the future, that’s why they    succeed. – Unknown

8) No one does you quite like you. They never will. If you know you can work on and improve things then fine, make small steps in the direction of improvement. But ALWAYS commend yourself on the good things about yourself. Do this many times a day, every day. Be grateful for things in your life but also be grateful for yourself. You are….a good friend/listener/caring/thoughtful/hard working/intelligent/resourceful/funny/kind/creative/put others at ease/life of the party/compassionate/ethical/honest/empathic/sympathetic/loving/reliable/lover of animals and small children/chauffeur for friends/help people move/friendly/brighten up people’s day/make people laugh and forget their troubles/volunteer/patient/etc…. (Oh boy, the world needs Many more patient people – I’m not one of them, sorry)

You affect people in ways you will NEVER know. Your actions touch people you’ll never meet.

9) If you can change something (where you live, your job, etc) then do it. If you can’t make any changes then accept the situation and make peace with it so that you can have peace.

10) Nothing anyone does is because of you. Nothing. Not their good mood and certainly not their bad. Not their actions. Not their thoughts. We tend to vent to the first person we see or have contact with, or who lets us. Keep this in mind when someone is giving you a hard time. Always stay calm and don’t reflect back their bad energy, let it dissipate.

If you’re taking offense to something that’s because deep down you agree with what’s being implied. That’s the psychology behind our being defensive about something. When you’re being defensive take note and acknowledge that you have something to work on. And work on it.

11) Make yourself accountable for every goal, every action you want to take. Tell people who will follow up with you, people who will demand accountability from you. Set up rewards for your progress.
Everything you do either makes you money or costs you money. Make a ‘Must Do’ list of 3-6 things every night before bed. Those are your priorities for the following day. At the end of each day take stock of whether you ‘made’ or ‘spent’ money that day, with your daily activities.

 

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You are the CEO of You, Inc. Chief Everything Officer. You are completely in charge, no one else. Every decision you make matters. Your company will either prosper, stagnate, or go bankrupt. It’s up to you.

 

What will people think??

We constantly compare ourselves to others. We compare weight, body type/shape, clothes, jobs/careers, cars, partners or spouses….and on and on and on. We compare Everything! We’re not taught to be content with ourselves. We think someone else is ahead of us in some aspect of life because of something they have that we don’t.

Being a fairly happy-go-lucky person I’ve mostly stopped worrying what others think. They have their own life, I have mine. And mine is Much more fun so I’m not going to hold back because someone might judge something about me.

These 2 things, worrying what others think and also constantly comparing ourselves to them, puts us in a prison, a cage. How can you just be happy and live life and when you feel strangers need to approve of you and everything you do?

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Here’s…someone. She’s going to represent every woman we women compare ourselves to. She’s also going to represent the person we’re worrying ‘what will people think??’

What do you know about her?  She’s blonde…right now (might be a dye job). And that’s she’s dressed nicely. Is she dressed for work? Does she like to dress up for herself? Did we catch her just after a photo shoot where they let her keep the clothes?

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Men, here’s a random man to represent who you see as your bar, as your competition. You try to match him in all areas of life. You worry what he thinks of you, of your actions, of your life. What do you know about him? He’s dressed in business casual, is white or European and looks serious. That’s it.

From these pictures you can’t tell their height, their likes or dislikes, their sense of humour, their hopes and dreams, whether they prefer Coke or Pepsi, cats or dogs, the country or city life…

We may compare our dwelling and car with someone else in the neighbourhood and feel inferior, not knowing that person has a nicer ride and crib because a deceased relative willed them a lot of money. Or a trust fund came due. Or…any host of revenue sources we aren’t aware of.

Someone at work may always be critical of you, of everyone, making you think they’re a mean person. In reality that person could have just lost their parents, be in a nasty divorce and just found out that they have cancer. And they could be dealing with all of this alone.

You may be comparing your modest lifestyle with someone ‘wealthy’ on your block and not know they are so high in debt that they can barely sleep at night, worrying about it. This person is more concerned with giving a fake impression of wealth than with how they can actually manage to sustain that impression and what it’s doing to them.

You just never know. If you don’t know what’s going on in their life, anything about them in fact, then how could they know anything about you and yours?

Walking down the street, or riding the streetcar/subway/bus, people don’t want to just let loose and dance/sing/etc because…’what will people think??’
People don’t want to make noise making love because ‘what will people think??’ I’d imagine they’d just think ‘I’m jealous’. :p

While listening to a kickin’ song and waiting to cross the street why not just bust a move? Are you worried ‘what will people think??’ Get over it! Let them be jealous, or have snarky thoughts. Let that be their problem, not yours.
While driving seat dance to a good song. Who cares what people think? Belt out to your favourite song! Who cares what people think?

If they’re judging you then they must have a pretty miserable or boring life. Their problem, not yours. You’re too busy having a Wonderful life! Or at least you should be :)

If you want to compare yourself to anyone, to worry ‘what will people think??’ here’s your people:

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Stylish, in great shape and…not real.

If you’re living any aspect of your life, monitoring your behaviours, based on the question ‘what will people think??’ just remember that you know Nothing about those people. And they know Nothing about you. Appearances tell you nothing about a person. Decide to break free from the prison of ‘what will people think??’ and live to be happy! Everyone loses with judgment. Everyone wins with happy!!

If anyone  makes you feel insecure think of this guy….

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He could be sitting on an invisible desk but I’m inclined to think he’s about to do the leprechaun jig :p

Or think of them in their…

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Here and Now

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I found this picture while looking for something to give you, my readers, clarity in life. This picture is supposed to show the milky way, well it definitely shows a lot of stars.
When life is too hectic, or when you’ve been hurt, or when you feel like screaming “Screw it, I’m done!” take a minute, look around you and just breathe.
Personally I need a certain amount of ‘me’ time or else my life feels off kilter. I’m actually going through that right now. My me time includes walks in the wee, quiet hours and having the city all to myself. I look up at the sky and just bask in how insignificant my petty problems are. I remove myself from all my worries and just enjoy how beautiful things are ‘right now’. It’s quite refreshing.

We all have this ability, just wear blinders for at least 1 hour a day and completely enjoy the here and now of whatever you choose to do for that hour. The ‘here and now’ philosophy is invigorating. We’re so used to holding on to our worry, as if worry will change anything, and think of ‘relaxing’ as something that only happens on holidays or on getaways. We all have this ability every hour of every single day. We can be as relaxed and carefree as we want/need to be whenever we want/need to be. It does not mean not being responsible, it means taking our mental and physical health into consideration. Worry causes very real health problems.
When you do this and mentally regroup it can help put you back on track, help you see your path forward more clearly. Meditation is all about this.

If you try this and find it really works for you (if it doesn’t then you’re doing something wrong) then you should look into Yoga. It has amazing results as an exercise and also has a meditative component to it; it’s very good at centering people. I can’t seem to link a video here so it’s listed at the end of the links. It’s about how Yoga had miraculous results on a disabled US paratrooper. It rendered me absolutely speechless. If you haven’t seen it it’s definitely worth a look.

Living in the here and now helps you let go of the past and not worry about the future and just enjoy the NOW. We don’t live in the past (it no longer exists) and we don’t live in the future (it never actually arrives) so why not actually live in the only option left?  Notice how many people don’t really live, they’re just gradually preparing for their death. Do you want to LIVE while you have the chance or do you want to exist with one foot in the grave? A stark visual, I know. Keep that in mind when someone comes up with a lame excuse for not enjoying some activity or event.

Life is made up of little moments; if you can’t enjoy the simplicity and joy at any given moment then life is truly passing you by. And that is just sad :( Just think of ‘the good old days’ – whenever that was for you. Now truly remember what it was like to live back then. It wasn’t actually as great as we remember, was it? It’s just that we’re looking back on those memories with rose-coloured glasses; only seeing the positive. Learn the art of seeing Life, at any given moment, with rose-coloured glasses. Once you develop that ability happiness will truly be at your finger tips!

When you stop worrying you actually start to notice everything around you. You will become happier and more appreciative. And guess what? Your life will get better! There is always Something to be thankful for. Want proof? Think of the ‘lucky’ people you know. Notice how happy they are? It’s not random luck, their happiness is Attracting ‘luck’ to them.

Letting go of worry will make you happier, healthier and keep you more centered. Your life will improve overall. And your goals will get bigger and bolder.

The secret to goals is to make them with only the end in mind. Don’t worry about how you’ll fulfill those goals, your mind will figure that out. Remember we only use about 10% of our brain. We underestimate it. Give your mind a problem and it will work on it in the background (the subconscious mind). This now ventures into the realm of Law of Attraction. More to come soon.

“Use your smile to change the world. Don’t let the world change your smile.”

I’m closing with this Spectacular photo taken of the night sky over Flagstaff, Arizona. Every Single One of those lights is a star. We have an entire solar system orbiting our star. Think about just how VAST the universe it. Take wonder in that. Look up at the night sky and bask in the awe of it. We’re part of something very wonderful and amazing. There is always Something to be grateful for :) Beauty abounds!

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